The 22 Years of Christmas
by Awesomellama
Summary: Because that's how long it takes these stubborn idiots to kiss. Destiel Christmas AU oneshot. Pretty fluffy, but it gets heavier towards the end. Rated T for a little bit of swearing and making out.


**_So I was bored a few nights ago and I decided to to a special Christmas Oneshot for you guys. This is technically my first oneshot. For any fandom. Woah._**

 ** _Some things you might want to know:_**

 ** _1._** ** _It's Christmas! I'm sure that fact comes as quite a shock to you (insert copious amounts of sarcasm)_**

 ** _2._** ** _This story is based on some yearly Christmas parties that happen with a group of people that went to my preschool. Except with more Destiel (actually one of my friends in this group is also a Destiel shipper so maybe not that much more Destiel)_**

 ** _3._** ** _Technically it's set in San Francisco. That's not really important information though because approximately 97% (yep I actually did that math) of this story takes in one house, but it might help with visualization and such idk_**

 ** _4._** ** _Cas isn't related to Anna and Gabriel in this fic_**

 ** _5._** ** _I actually don't have anything to put here but I hate fours_**

 ** _That's it, I think. I don't own Supernatural, blah blah blah, Merry Christmas (or Hanukah. Or Kwanzaa. Or winter solstice. Or nothing. This is confusing. I'll just say happy New Year. Unless you use the lunar calendar. I give up. Just have a nice day.)_**

 **Christmas One**

Anna Milton wears a hideous onesie.

Cherry red, with little bows roughly the color of wilting basil positioned in random intervals around the outfit, chased by multicolored felt reindeer. To top all that off, even more bows decorate the poor girl's head, barely latching onto thin strands of strawberry blonde hair. "Like the love child of an elf and a reindeer took a huge shit right on top of her," Dean would later describe it.

They'd only ever truly experience this monstrosity in pictures, of course. An old scrapbook, discovered under the dust-covered remains of science projects long past. Just a few overly glossy images of giggling babies is all that's left of this Christmas.

But that's all right. The details may be lost, but Christmas One can never truly be forgotten. Because Christmas One is the Christmas that started it all.

 **Christmas Two**

Anna Milton wears overalls.

Orange corduroy, with obnoxiously large buttons and a huge snowflake embroidered on the front. Underneath is a green and white striped shirt. Still atrocious, but at least she's decided between elf and reindeer.

More babies grin. Dean, the oldest besides Anna, has learned how to stumble around like a tiny alcoholic. Gabriel somehow manages to get himself covered in jam. Christmas Two is a Christmas of simplicity.

 **Christmas Three**

Anna Milton wears a princess dress.

Ariel, of course. Anna loves Ariel. Mostly for the hair, which is beginning strikingly resemble her own. She actually pulls it off pretty well, for a 4-year-old with skin at least three shades paler than the "skin colored" shirt attached to the foam shell bra.

They can all toddle around now, Cas requiring only minimal help from nearby furniture. Not that they use that skill much at the party. No, Christmas Three is spent sitting with chubby legs outstretched on the living room floor and watching a very opposed-to-sharing Dean play with his toy cars. Christmas Three is a Christmas of innocence.

 **Christmas Four**

Anna Milton wears pink.

Pink, pink, pink everywhere. Little leggings striped with alternating shades of the overwhelming color. Oversized plastic high heels in fuscia, and a tiara decorated with magenta glitter. If she was the crossbreed of a reindeer and an elf on Christmas One, now she's some sort of unicorn-flamingo hybrid.

Finally deemed trustworthy with relatively sharp objects (under the watchful eye of Mary Winchester, of course), the kids make paper snowflakes. The result is a hideous disarray of abstract shapes on construction paper in every color imaginable except white, but the artists are proud. They hold up their creations for the camera, beaming rosy-cheeked at cooing adults. Christmas Four is about untainted joy.

 **Christmas Five**

Anna Milton wears polka dots.

Large ones on her skirt, in red and white. A rainbow of smaller ones on her top. Even her socks have developed a yellow chicken pox. It all clashes horribly, and even looking at the outfit in pictures is slightly nauseating, but she's proud of it.

This year, there is a new addition to the group, a tiny child with dark wisps of hair already making an appearance on his smooth-skinned head. Sam Winchester. He's the star of this year's scrapbook page. Sam, repeatedly refusing the pacifier his mother tried to coax into his mouth. Sam, grabbing locks of Charlie's hair as if he's never seen anything like it before. Sam, sleeping soundly through the no doubt loud conversation of slightly drunk adults. Christmas Five is Sam's Christmas.

 **Christmas Six**

Anna Milton wears mittens.

They're darling little pink things, which match her heavy jacket and too-large hat. All the children wear similar outfits this year. The attire this Christmas is special, because this year they've entered new territory.

Of all the annual Milton Christmas parties, this is the only one that isn't held at the Miltons' house in the city. This year, the four families have rented a large cabin in Tahoe. Here, the now-kindergarteners experience a usually common part of the holidays: snow.

Being San Franciscans, this is their first experience with this weather phenomenon. And it's wonderful. Anna and Cas attempt to build a snowman, an action that is greatly compromised by the fact that Gabriel, Dean, and Charlie pelt them with a steady stream of snowballs. Sam stays inside, mesmerized by the few stuffed animals Dean begrudgingly shares with him. They laugh. Anna throws a tantrum. Everyone gets hot chocolate afterwards. Christmas Six is the one and only white Christmas.

 **Christmas Seven**

Anna Milton wears ruffles.

This dress is a pale lavender color, with a frilly skirt and a light gray cardigan over it. She parades around proudly in this outfit, holding up the similarly dressed American Girl doll she got for her last birthday. The doll looks nothing like her (American Girl's collection of redheads is disappointingly tiny), but she loves it and practically hisses when her little brother goes anywhere near it.

This year, they watch _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ on the Miltons' new TV, which was apparently an "early Christmas present" for the family _._ The short film entrances Dean and Charlie, while Cas gets scared and ends up having to sit on his father's lap for most of it. Gabriel and Anna spend the entire 26 minutes fighting over the seat closest to the TV. Sam falls asleep. Christmas Seven is a lively Christmas.

 **Christmas Eight**

Anna Milton wears an apron.

The garment is decorated with little angels on clouds, for some reason. It belongs to her mother, and the string is tied as tight as possible in order for it to even remotely fit the girl's small frame. She looks rather ridiculous, all tied up in the awkwardly long piece of fabric and covered in pictures of naked babies with wings. None of the children seem to care, though, because this apron means they get to do something special. They get to make a gingerbread house.

One of the parents has already prepared the dough, so all they really have to do is cook and decorate it. Decorating is, of course, the best part, so they aren't upset about this. Anna is now old enough to use the oven, which causes her to march around the kitchen with her chin high, hands shoved into colorful oven mitts.

The finished product is nearly as unsightly as Anna's Christmas One outfit. The adults have decided to give each kid a certain piece of the house to decorate so as to avoid arguments. Charlie tries to create a decorating gel portrait of Bilbo Baggins on the first wall, though it ends up looking more like an orc than a hobbit. A second wall, Anna's, is a nice pattern of wavy lines and M&Ms, but has been defaced by her prankster of a little brother, who's design on his own wall is simply an enormous mass of every candy imaginable. Dean steals Charlie's decorating gel and draws a light saber on the last wall, while Cas constructs a rainbow of Skittles on the on the roof. Sam is too young to get his own section, but, with his father's help, he manages to place a few gumdrops around the border. Christmas Eight is a Christmas rich with sweets.

 **Christmas Nine**

Anna Milton wears peace signs.

She's apparently just discovered these symbols and fallen in love with them immediately. Cas counts each one on her body. Three silver ones on her top. A slightly dingy one on the knee of her jeans. One on each of her off-brand Uggs. One in the form of a partly peeled off temporary tattoo on her right forearm. An eighth carved into a wooden bead on her necklace.

This year, there's a new Milton. Just small ball of gray fluff at the time, this addition to the family comes in the form of a young kitten named Patch, which Gabriel says is short for Sour Patch, though that claim is never backed up by any other family member.

Patch is an energetic and friendly creature, as most young cats are. Earning her fondness is as easy as gently stroking the space between her ears, an action that every child except Dean is more than happy to perform. Out of all the eager head-petters, though, she seems to favor Cas. This makes him the center of attention, a rare occurrence that causes him to feel slightly bashful but strangely pleased. Christmas Nine belongs just as much to Cas as it does Patch.

 **Christmas Ten**

Anna Milton wears leggings.

Just as last year was all peace signs, this time it's leggings. Apparently this is a common trend among middle schoolers. Leggings, paired with everything from oversized sweatshirts to crop tops. This particular day, Anna has chosen a gray T-shirt from some summer camp she attended in 3rd grade.

The socialization is nearly as bland as the clothes. The entire group (save for Sam) is at least in fourth grade by now, which is about the time when social lives start coming into play. The fact your mothers met in a pregnancy yoga class may be fine friendship material for first nine years of your life, but after that you realize it really doesn't mean much. The four families are at different elementary schools, and they kids have started to form their own cliques. Even Patch, now much larger and more skittish, seems to have been forgotten by all but Cas. They still cram onto the couch and assorted armchairs to watch _A Christmas Story_ , but something is just a little different. Christmas Ten is the first lonely Christmas.

 **Christmas Eleven**

Anna Milton wears makeup.

It's not heavy by any means, just a bit of mascara on her normally light eyelashes, but it drastically changes the dynamic of the now-tweens' relationship. Anna is old enough to wear makeup. Anna is in middle school. Anna is growing up. Anna isn't a child anymore.

None of the photos this year are candid. Even Sam, who has become quite the talker in the past year, can't seem to break the ice. Christmas Ten is perhaps the most cheerless Christmas of all.

 **Christmas Twelve**

Anna Milton wears glasses.

They're those trendy "nerd glasses" that don't provide any actually help with vision and are really just an accessory. This particular fashion seems to get on Charlie's nerves, and she looks slightly annoyed for most of the night.

Dean attempts to stimulate a conversation about old cars. Charlie suggests a game of Dungeons of Dragons. Gabriel tries to start a whipped cream war. Nothing works. Anna engrosses herself in a texting conversation with her best friend, Hael. Christmas Twelve is yet another lonesome Christmas.

 **Christmas Thirteen**

Anna Milton wears a baseball cap.

Backwards. It goes well with her baggy attire and devil-may-care attitude. High school has apparently had a huge effect on Anna, which her parents seem less than happy about.

Parents be damned, though. This Christmas is what gets the gang back together.

Though other Christmases will blur together in Cas' mind as time passes, this one will always stay vivid. This year, they break a hole in the roof.

The night begins like the last three parties did. The adults head to the dining room for chatter and light drinking, while the teens and children go to the living room. Anna and Gabriel have already claimed their spots when the guests arrive, Anna in her mother's armchair and Gabriel on the floor (he probably lost some sort of contest). Sam and Dean take half of the couch, leaving Charlie and Cas to awkwardly share the other half. Patch curls up in Cas' lap. The group silently takes each other in.

Normally, there would next be a few quickly fizzling out conversations and several periods of uneasy silence, ended only by the announcement that dinner is being served. After three years of this, though, 3rd grader Sam seems to have decided he's had enough of this. "Dean?" he pipes up.

"Yeah?"

"Can we play hide and seek?"

Dean glances around at the rest of the group. They collectively shrug, as does he. "Sure, Sammy. What the hell."

After more debate than should be necessary, they choose Charlie to be seeker (yes, she does make a few Harry Potter references when given the title). She begins to count, and the others scramble for good hiding places.

The Milton house is fairly large for San Francisco, and includes two floors. The second floor isn't used during parties, making it a great place for hiding. Cas stealthily creeps up the staircase, knowing Charlie's sense of hearing is slightly heightened from years of gaming. After a quick survey of the small upstairs sitting room and closed doors that he vaguely remembers leading to bedrooms, Cas decides on the balcony.

It's not really a balcony. The second floor is a different shape than the first floor, resulting in there being nothing on top of the living room. A wooden deck has been built on this free space, the boards creaky with age and soggy from a recent rain. The night is colder than Cas expected it to be, and he finds himself shivering, but it's too late to find another hiding spot and he flattens himself against the wall near the edge of the deck.

After about a minute, a faint creaking sound reaches Cas' ears. He tenses, thinking its Charlie. A few seconds go by before another creak, this time followed by a muttered swear in a voice he recognizes as Dean's. Cas stays silent, unsure whether or not to alert the other boy of his presence. As it turns out, he doesn't have to decide, since a few moments later the glass doors open and Dean steps onto the balcony.

He notices Cas immediately, raising his eyebrows slightly before going to sit beside the smaller boy. "Hey," he greets.

"H-hi," Cas replies, instantly cursing his stuttering.

There are a few painfully long moments of silence before Dean speaks again. "This is taking Charlie a while."

"Yeah."

Cas finds himself observing the side of Dean's face, which he's never seen this close before. His eyelashes are the longest Cas can remember ever seeing on a guy.

Those eyelashes flutter as Dean turns his head towards Cas, who quickly looks away. "It's cold," Dean remarks.

The response tumbles from Cas' mouth before he can even register what he's saying. "Are you going to give me your jacket like a gentleman?" He regrets the joke as soon as he says it. Cas has never really gotten the hang of sarcasm, and his deadpan way of joking usually just makes things awkward.

Dean looks surprised, but he goes along with it. "Nah, I only do that for the real princesses."

Cas is smiling now, and honest-to-god grin, which never happens when he talks to people at school. "What, I'm not pretty enough for you?" he replies.

The quip still sounds a little too formal and unnatural, but Dean doesn't seem to mind. Their conversation is cut short, though, by a familiar voice hollering, "Found them!"

Snapping their heads towards the sound, the two boys find that they are no longer alone on the roof. Charlie steps through the dooreway, closely followed by Gabriel, Sam, and Anna. Dean and Cas jump to their feet, startled, and the two groups hold each other's gazes in an awkward staring contest.

"So," Gabriel says after a while, "I guess that's hide and seek. Shall we go steal some cake?"

It's an appealing idea, but no one moves to carry it out. They all just continue the silence, as if they are searching for something in each other on this rooftop.

The next one to speak is Charlie. "This is a cool place," she observes, glancing around the deck.

Anna shrugs and blows a few wayward strands of hair out of her face. "Apparently it's dangerous up here. Or something. I wasn't really listening when they gave that lecture."

Charile presses down with one foot, testing the strength of the wooden board she stands on. "It doesn't seem that bad."

Gabriel skips the gingerly testing stage and strides across the roof. "It's fine. Kind of bouncy, actually. Nice."

Cas, who is feeling somewhat brave and adventurous from his interaction with Dean, finds himself taking a step forward. The no doubt ancient wood is a little more pliable than it probably should be, causing the bouncing Gabriel described. Deciding he likes the feeling, Cas takes walks a few more feet, nodding. "This _is_ pleasant." The mental walloping he gives himself for his word choice is slightly lighter than usual, and he finds his confidence growing even more. His strides become faster and more exuberant. "Yeah, this is-"

Before he can finish his sentence, though, there is a loud crashing noise, and suddenly his sock-clad left foot is touching something other than damp wood of the deck.

Cas' foot has fallen through the deck.

Everyone's staring at him, their expressions a mixture of shock and horror. "Shit," Dean breathes.

The extraordinary confidence Cas had momentarily been filled with drains away. He'd been doing so well, but now he'd screwed up on epic proportions. Hundreds of worried questions flood into his mind. What is he going to do? How is he going to tell his parents? Will he ever be invited to one of these parties again?

And then Anna starts laughing.

Everyone's gaze goes from Cas to her in a second, all of them confused.

Then Gabriel's laughing, too.

Then Dean, then Sam, then Charlie. And finally, somehow, Cas.

Because it is pretty funny. Cas, the timid one of the group, sitting here on a wet rooftop with his leg disappearing into the floorboards. He's just _broken a hole in the Milton's roof_. He has no idea how this will play out or what he can do to fix this. And that, strangely, is the best feeling he's ever felt.

They laugh and laugh, until they're gasping for breath with raw throats. "We just broke a hole in my roof!" Gabriel yells.

"What the fuck." Anna practically howls at the night sky, "What. The. Actual. Fuck."

When they're finally done, Dean and Charlie help Cas get his leg out, and they examine the damage. The hole is only in the wood, and the actual roof is still intact. Gabriel and Anna assure Cas that their parents barely ever come up here, and they'll probably just think it crumbled on it's own accord. The group heads downstairs, hearts still racing. And when they've all gone back inside and excuses for all the noise have been made, there's no doubt about it: Christmas Thirteen is filled with a bright feeling none of them know quite how to describe.

 **Christmas Fourteen**

Anna Milton wears black.

In all the places her clothes were loose last year, this Christmas they're tight. Worn-looking black skinny jeans, a black muscle shirt with some alternative rock band logo on it, and a black leather jacket on top of that. Her hair is pinned up in some slight variation of Janis' hair from _Mean Girls_. Her parents still look far from pleased with the style, a reaction that Anna seems to take great pleasure in.

There is no awkward silence this year, not even in the very beginning. After the events of last Christmas, they've all been texting and hanging out a lot more, so they're back to being good friends. Gabriel finds an old deck of cards in his father's desk drawer (he claims he was scouting for good prank spots, but Anna argues that he was looking for porn), and they play blackjack, gambling with pieces of candy canes and only stopping when Gabriel has won eighteen rounds in a row and they know he's cheating.

No one really minds, though. If Christmas Fourteen has a theme, it's easygoing friendship.

 **Christmas Fifteen**

Anna Milton wears Dean.

Not all the way. They don't go off to their own room or anything. But they do make out several times, and Dean's hand doesn't seem to leave Anna's rear end for the entire night.

Because that's what teens do. They play around. Dean's especially sexually active for a 9th grader, and Anna apparently broke up with some boyfriend of hers, and they're both attractive people that happen to be in the same living room. Cas knows that. He knows Dean and Anna aren't really in love with anything. Plus, Anna's a friend. Edgy as her clothes and dark makeup may make her appear, she's safe. But for some reason, Cas just can't shake the strange feeling he gets in his gut at the sight of Anna's deep red lipstick smeared on his best friend's cheek.

Christmas Fifteen is a strange Christmas.

 **Christmas Sixteen**

Anna Milton wears more black.

She's still got the leather jacket and a similar band shirt (this time with a picture of a bunch of eyeliner-wearing guys with outlandish hair), but the jeans have been replaced with thin black tights and apparently homemade skirt. Her parents are more at peace with this fashion by now, but they're still making her wear "sensible" clothes for activities such as touring colleges.

College. No one mentions it, but they all know it's there, an ugly sign persistently hanging over the group and casting its shadow over their spirits.

They've been a set of six for nearly as long as they can remember (seven, if you count Patch), and now they're at risk of losing one. As rebellious as she may act, Anna's a good student, and she's definitely going farther than SF State. The teens linger just a little longer than usual this year, knowing this may be their last Milton Christmas party together for a long time. Christmas Sixteen is a bittersweet Christmas.

 **Christmas Seventeen**

Anna Milton wears pajamas.

Just as predicted, she got into a great college. Better than any of them imagined. Anna got into the biology department at Oxford. The Oxford. As in, Oxford University in England. The place some of Harry Potter was shot, as Charlie reminds them all.

The now-college student is present only in a Skype call, and the half of her they can see is wearing the simple gray camisole she sleeps in. She looks like crap (it is, after all, the wee hours of the morning in England- but she nods along excitedly to everything the cluster of teenagers on her laptop screen tell her.

All goes fairly well, up until when she has to leave. Just as they've all finished saying their goodnights and Dean's about to click the red "end call" button, Gabriel asks one last question. "Will we be burdened with your presence next year, Sis?"

Anna smiles at his tease, but she can see the hidden seriousness of the question. She shakes her head apologetically. "Not sure, Gabe. But I'm flying home this summer. And I'm planning on creaming all of you at cards."

With that, she's gone. Christmas Seventeen is a Christmas of missing pieces.

 **Christmas Eighteen**

Anna Milton isn't there.

Not even on Skype. She's too busy preparing for next semester, apparently. The courses at Oxford are difficult, and take up a majority of her time. She likes it, though. Learning. Biology. College.

The rest of the group hates it.

Stupid college, tearing apart their once-in-a-lifetime sort of friendship. And now it's shockingly close for the rest of them, too. No one knows what to feel. They're part excited to finally have a chance to get the hell away from San Francisco and their families and high school, but other parts of them feel the invisible strings pulling at their ankles. Every person has these strings, rooted down to childhood homes and old friends and favorite ice cream shops, and this group's strings are very much intertwined.

They watch _Scrooged_ , and barely anyone laughs. Christmas Eighteen is a heavy Christmas.

 **Christmas Nineteen**

Anna Milton is still off in crumpet land.

She still can't Skype, and they're all drifting apart. They've all got their group text, of course, but they don't use it on a daily basis like they used to. They're all adults now, minus Sam, and they've got things to do. Cas is in the writing program at UC Santa Cruz, while Gabriel's attempting to make his way into the movie industry down in LA. Charlie's excelling in the programming department at Carnegie Mellon. Dean is taking a year off from academics, and apparently he's thinking about setting out on some some big crazy road trip. They've got lives now.

Which is why they have a water gun war in the backyard.

As always, it's Gabriel's idea. He's uncovered a box of his old toys in the basement whilst looking for an extra pillow or something ("porn!" Dean chimes in, but it's not the same as when Anna says it), and one of the things he found was a small artillery of water guns. Two large, fancy ones that can carry enough water for someone to live off of for a good week, and several of the smaller, cheap ones with barely any power.

All they really accomplish is getting both each other and the sidewalk soaked, but they've managed to avoid the awkwardness they fear will set in due to their distance. Christmas Nineteen is the last Christmas they spend as children.

 **Christmas Twenty**

Anna Milton wears more pajamas.

Finally, she can Skype. It's 3 AM in Oxford, but she stays up, which fills the whole group with hope that it might be okay. That they might still have their friendship.

For a while, they do. Charlie asks Anna for the billionth time if she's seen Jenna Coleman walking around anywhere. Gabriel informs his sister of all the sweets he hasn't left for her. Even Patch makes an appearance in the form of plopping down on the keyboard and refusing to move for ten minutes. It's almost like old times.

Almost.

It's hard to say why it's different. They've always had other social lives outside of the Christmas group. But no matter what, they've always, _always_ been there for the Milton parties. And now Anna isn't.

But she's graduating next semester. She can move back to America. That's good, right? Christmas Twenty is a Christmas of lingering hopes.

 **Christmas Twenty-One**

Anna Milton is still on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Apparently, she likes England. She's decided to stay. She has a boyfriend. She got a _job_ with her new degree. A real, actual job. She's an adult now. Anna Milton has grown up.

Dean's working at his father's friend's auto repair shop in South Dakota. Gabriel quit acting and is now majoring in psychology at some small college on the other side of the country. Charlie is trying to get hired by Valve. Sam plans to apply for Stanford. Cas is almost done at UC Santa Cruz, and he's barely passing. He's a great writer, his professors say, but he lacks inspiration. He doesn't tell anyone this. No one in the group talks about problems like they used to. That freedom has faded away with the group splitting up. Even though Anna's the only one not physically in the living room, none of them feel all the way there.

They take the laptop up to the roof and peer into the hole, which still doesn't seem to have been noticed by the parents (or, if it was, no one has cared enough to get it repaired). Once again they laugh, but it's not as hearty and alive as the insane guffaws of Christmas Thirteen. Then they were laughing at the pure ridiculousness of the situation and the strange freedom that had bubbled up inside of them that night, this time they were simply remembering that occurrence. Cas finds that, although he can clearly recall every moment on that roof, he can no longer call upon that strange, unnamed emotion.

No one knows whether they're feeling too much or not enough. Christmas Twenty-One is a Christmas of fading away.

 **Christmas Twenty-Two**

Anna Milton wears velvet.

It's a black dress, but a different kind of black that that of her high school days. That was sharp, angsty black. This black is smooth and simple. Calm. Mature. Yes, that's the word. Anna is mature. She's finally made it home for Christmas, but not really.

She has a British accent now. They all heard and made fun of it on Skype calls and summer visits, but it seems somehow heavier this Christmas. She's brought her boyfriend, and they hang out in the kitchen with the aging parents.

Everyone's just chatting, this year. Charlie got that job she wanted, and apparently they're working on Half Life 3, though she isn't allowed to say much about it. Sam adores pre-law. Gabriel doesn't say much about psychology, but they others can tell he likes it. He's also started dieting, and Cas can't help but feel wrong when eating the truffles Gabriel would normally have already snatched from the kitchen.

Cas it taking another year at Santa Cruz. No matter what he does, he can't seem to complete the final project at his creative writing class. No story ideas have jumped out in his mind.

When the formality of the conversation finally becomes too stifling, Cas scuttles off to the basement on the pretense of needing to use the bathroom. The storage space is nearly full, holding everything from reams untouched of printer paper to children's bikes the Miltons never bothered to get rid of. Cas pushes a few boxes aside to make himself a small sitting space in the corner of the musty room.

It's here that he finds it. The scrapbook. Big and red, with "Milton Family Christmas" in silver lettering. Cas flips through the slightly sticky pages, practically overrun with memories.

He could've been there for hours or mere minutes, but at some point a throat is cleared beside him. "Cas?"

The dark-haired boy (or is he considered a man now?) looks up to find Dean Winchester standing over him. "Dean."

"Whatcha doin'?"

Cas holds up the scrapbook. "I found this. Pictures."

Dean thumbs through a few pages. "Hm. Cool." He hands the book back to Cas.

There's a silence, which seems to be their conversational forte. Dean turns to go, and Cas finds that for once he doesn't want to be alone. "Dean?" he blurts out.

"Yeah?"

"Are we... dying?"

Dean looks down at himself with a frown. "I don't think so. Are you? 'Cause I've got this thing about sick people-"

Cas cuts him off. "Not like that. I mean, the group. Who we were. Christmas Thirteen. Are we dying?"

Dean nudges for Cas to scoot over so he can sit. He opens his mouth as if to say something reassuring, only to close it again. "I dunno, Cas," he says finally.

"I just… Anna's so different. And Gabriel's into psychology. _Psychology!_ Even Sam's grown up now, and Patch's fur is getting grayer than it already was, and our parents are getting older, and our ages don't start with one anymore. And we're all starting to live our lives and that's great and all but I don't know how! And now I don't have you guys to teach me. I was always a follower and now I have to lead myself and I think I'm screwing up and I'm going to fail this stupid writing class and I'll never get my degree. You guys were always my closest friends and now we're all off in our own worlds and I know I'm supposed to be happy for everyone by I'm not. I know it's selfish, but I want us to all just go back to when the future was just a distant dream. We're dying and we have been for a while but no one's felt comfortable saying it." There are tears in his eyes now, and he wipes them away, suddenly angry. "There's all these memories I have of these Christmases, but I know most of them are probably fake, just my mind filling in the gaps. I thought we were the one thing in this world that would always stay solid but it turns out our friendship is just some cosmic game of Jenga and we're on the verge of losing our balance." He's full out sobbing, no longer able to keep the emotion away. There in that basement, Cas is screaming for help for the first time in his life.

And Dean gives it to him. Years of being a big brother have taught him exactly what to do in this situation. He cradles Cas' head in his lap, fingers intertwined in a forest of dark hair. "Shh. Cas. It's okay. You're okay."

"But we're dying!" Cas wails, sitting back up and gazing pleadingly into Dean's eyes.

They're close now, so close. Dean leans in even closer. "I don't feel dead," he murmurs.

And then they're kissing.

Neither of them can tell exactly who started it, but somehow it happened, and now Dean has his soft lips parted and Cas is exploring the inside of his mouth. Their eyes close, and it's purely about touching, about how the prickly hairs at the base of Dean's head feel on Cas' skin and the way their faces fit together. And when they're finally done, there's a warmth in Cas' stomach, a feeling of unadulterated freedom he hasn't experienced since he had his leg in the roof. Suddenly, he knows what he's going to write about.

So he writes. As soon as the party's over, he practically races back to his parent's house (they insist he waits until morning to make the drive back to Santa Cruz) and pulls out his laptop. He starts typing and never stops. Over the course of the next year, he writes about a great many things. About little gray cats and tiny baby's toes. About forgotten toy cars and boys with long eyelashes. About rooftops and group texts and Skype calls with shitty video quality. About drifting and growing and college and how having double-knotted shoelaces is great until you have to untie them. About that feeling, that wonderful bubbling that he has finally found a name for: youth. Cas writes about life, about love, about how one pregnancy yoga class can change four families' lives forever.

Castiel Novak creates a masterpiece. And he does it all with his boyfriend watching over his shoulder.


End file.
